I just knew there was a rule book for life that I did not read. Guidelines for living that I never understood. That’s exactly how it felt to grow up without a mother. I felt everyone else knew the secrets to life, except me.
I was the perfect faker, the ultimate counterfeit girl, imitating others and impersonating the girls I read about in Seventeen magazine. It was exhausting to be constantly watching others for cues as to what to say or do.
There are many of us walking on this earth, that for whatever reason, feel the same way. I see the others now, and I know I was never really alone. But today, when I notice someone who looks afraid or uncertain, I reach out to take their hand, literally or figuratively, so they can feel the warmth.
This life is too much for tender souls, but as we hold another’s hand, we ourselves gain strength, and wisdom and safety. We can feel safe and secure to be who we really are and know that is enough.
We are enough.
There are so many different types of friendships. Childhood friends; co-workers; acquaintances who upgrade to friend status for a specific purpose or activity, the list is endless. But, to a motherless daughter, a true friendship is a healing balm, an anchor to this world that helps her stay grounded.
A girl who has lost her mother at an early age, lost her teacher, her road map as to how to have and be a ‘girl friend.’ Often there was no time spent on mother-daughter activities. Shopping together or just hanging out is a foreign idea to the daughter who has no clue how to begin and sustain a friendship. She has no idea what girls ‘do’ or how they act or think. As is sometimes the case, the motherless daughter got her cues on how to ‘be’ from her father, sibling or another caregiver. Her primary role model, her first friend is missing.
To the friend of a motherless daughter, you might not realize your importance…the value of your friendship is immeasurable.
You might not realize how much your consistency and trustworthiness is relied upon and what that safety means.
You might not realize how your love, laughter and advice provides strength and support to walk through this life.
You might not realize these things, but they are real. Your ability to be present is a gift from above, to be cherished more than silver or gold.
Maybe, just maybe, the mothers in heaven get a sayso in sending the perfect friendships to their daughters. You might not realize it, but these true connections are divine. And God said, “This is good.”